Day 115: I Unlocked a New Fear Today

Just now, I realized something terrible. Apparently I can't count, and mislabeled one of the posts as a second day 112. The posts have been fixed, but my pride may never recover.

Speaking of loss of brain function, I unlocked a new fear today while listening to this interview with one of my favorite guitarists, Julian Lage.

Sometimes I like to hear people talk while writing, and while I usually don't listen too hard, this time something caught my ear. At about the one hour mark he talks about a disorder he had to deal with called focal dystonia. I use my hands for everything I enjoy doing, and am constantly in fear of getting carpal tunnel, so this piqued my interest in the worst way possible. I thought it was just going to be another instance of something physically repulsive that can happen to my little five pronged instruments, but focal dystonia is so much worse. For no apparent reason whatsoever, a certain part of your body, be it hands, eyelids, vocal cords, etc. starts to move involuntarily while doing certain actions, or when at rest. Nobody knows exactly what causes it, but the leading theory is that the motor neurons connecting the brain to the body become wired wrong after long term use. Lage describes it as the brain expecting a certain pattern of movements, and triggering those movements whether you want it to or not. When he would go to play the guitar, his fingers would droop in ways he didn't want them to because they knew he was going to play certain notes, even though he didn't quite want to play them yet. In other words, his brain ruined his hands for no reason other than that he liked using them too much. I mean come on, that's just so messed up. Lage was a child prodigy, but had to completely relearn to use his left hand to fret the strings. I can't even imagine being so incredible at something my entire life and losing it for no good reason. I think the universe might just have it out for humans sometimes.

Thank you for reading,

Benjamin Hawley